Friday, February 26, 2010

Ego, Childlike behavior

With Kundalini, ego is reduced and I am conscious of this.
It is not that I can't talk hard about others or feel proud of my accomplishments etc. but I can feel the pain that is associated with such a behavior.
Hence, anything apart from what is natural makes it unbearable.

I had been to a restaurant few weeks back, where one of them was talking how great her husband was, the property they owned and the
international trips they make every year. I couldn't bear these words. With Kundalini and loss of ego, you can't accept anything but natural.
Inside you there is this something which doesn't make you touch artificiality.

With loss of ego, you do not know what you are talking about. You become like a child. There is innocence.
Even if you scold someone, it will be not out of ego or revenge but pure play.
There is no attachment to the action as you feel disconnected with the external situation and are always watching the movie that is inside you
I don't remember much of what I did yesterday. I can't carry the past impressions about any person whom I have already met when I talk to him today.
And once in a while, you get this feeling of playing or acting in a game as everything becomes of no use.
I don't remember much not because my memory is bad but because I am dedicated to the movie inside.

The whole life one is looking for happiness, and lo if it is with you always, in a way that you can't understand that you are in it.
I constantly push myself to be in this world and act in this world as it makes me utterly stupid.

Once I was in a class and there was so much bliss in me. The attendance sheet came to me and I couldn't remember my signature.I just happened to sign automatically.
Guess what, the sign looked beautiful and new. But it was the same signature I had been doing.
Kundalini cleans up everything. The memories, the impressions, the notions, our likes, dislikes.
It makes me a new person everyday. I don't carry the impressions of yesterday nor can I think much about the emotional level details of something that happened yesterday.

Its a cleanup. The stare into nothingness. But this look into nothingness is not void. It is with immense activity. It is with immense joy and bliss.
This void is silence, bliss and with tremendous activity.

The Process in me

I have been having these energy swirls over the head for an year now and more.
In the initial days, the chakras would swirl as the energy moved from the feet to the head.
Later, the energy would move only from the base of the spine to the top of head and chakras would still spin ( esp during first 5 mins of sleep at night)
Now, the energy moves from the base of the spine to the top - no more swirling - no more chakra movement.
Atleast for 6 months, I felt tired because of the force on the head - doing its activity and putting me in bliss and I spent
more number of hours in sleep and had to stop thinking and maintain silence otherwise.
I never had any pain, it was only pressure. This energy puts you into a bliss which is indescribable.

You might become a spiritual bum wanting more of this bliss.
After few days, the energy makes you silent - you can sense the deep silence.
In my experience, I have to be consciously with the energy always, noticing its movement in the head.
I wouldn't tell that I am driving the movement, but I need to be constantly watching it or else pressure develops.
I have been doing this for the past months automatically and it is like staring into nothingness.
The energy from the inside makes you still and you just sit staring - without thoughts - and then bliss comes over.

To summarize,

There is an energy in my head,
Which wants me to consciously watch it day and night,
It does its work and I just observe it,
When I forget it, it becomes pressure in my head.

But when observed, I enter into a thoughtless state,
I soon forget that I am observing that,
It does its work and I am centered when I watch it,
Then my mind moves with it, "I" move with it, "I" become it.

Then the bliss comes over, the divine madness dawns,
I can't stay without repeating the name of the lord,
I can't stay without watching some divine music videos,
Its purity and is bliss, I can't think but have to stay still.

I just stay still and become mad - there is bliss but I can't catch it !
It is so elusive, it gets into the temples and teases it,
It is the super massage therapy on your brain,
You become mad again - there is bliss but I can't catch it !

Saturday, February 20, 2010

White light

Today, the current started off at the spine in the evening. It actually hit a midpoint in the spine and made me sit straight. I sat straight and sat for an hour. While observing the energy, I could perceive crystal clear white light point. The white light is like a tip of the needle, circular and shining.I could perceive it may be 4s longer than I could do it anytime before.

After the meditation, I walked down to the restroom and while peeing just saw the black round holes in the basin and shifted my attention. Projected on the wall was a replica of this image of holes but the holes didn't remain dark anymore but filled with white light. This has always happened to me.

I don't know if I am that light or if the light is just present inside me.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Happiness !

There is no happiness in this world. When we get some money, we want more money. When we get more money we want much more. Everyone needs fame. Each and everyone needs to prove himself. He needs to have a car, a palace, branded shirts, what not.

When I was young, I thought that if I studied well then I would get a good job and I would be happy. Once I got a job, I wanted to be the best in performance and spent around 12 hours at work and got the best promotions but was not happy. Someone told that if you do an MBA from a top notch business school, then you would end up in top notch positions and life would be a 'bed of roses'. I strived hard and got into this top notch business school and as I am about to graduate in a month, I don't think I am still happy. Because, I haven't got the top notch offer. Life is always a challenge.

I have not found happiness in any of these before from my internal bliss. It is that which is obtained regardless of anything else in the world. The happiness is inherent. It is the one with which one can forget everything else in this world. Everything else in this world!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Silence !

In the past few days, I thought of not thinking about anything. Neither Kundalini, nor God and then truly analyse in a layman's language my current state. The only answer for this is Silence. The current state is Silence. When you maintain silence, then the current in the body streams up and becomes an aligned flow. Over time, it becomes strong and drags your attention towards it. When you start focussing on it or when your attention gets abided in it, then bliss flows. This is the exact flow. Hence, Silence is what is needed. The state is best expressed by silence.

It is silence. Nothing else can teach this state.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Ecstatic Bliss

I am having ecstatic bliss at this moment. The energy in the brain is very erotic. It is like there are two energy sticks inserted in both the temples of my brain and enticing me to enjoy. Oh! what a bliss. Oh! what an ecstasy. I am having it like for 2 hours continuously now. At times, the waves of devotion come in. I cant control the bliss and just repeat "Om Namo Narayana" so as to control the bliss/ecstasy. But this doesn't control. It is just an escape path to reduce the bliss, but that doesn't reduce.

It is like I have left my entire life into the hands of this energy. I cant be anything without this. What an ecstasy !!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Jobs !

I am sad again today that I left all the opportunities that are available and selected a job on the first day. I had very good opportunities ahead but still I do not know as to why selected this job. On the day of the job, the energy put me into such a bliss as always that all companies looked the same and all jobs the same. Hence, I was like why should not I work with this company. If at all I have left all the great opportunities it is because of this energy that puts me into a bliss and doesn't leave much for me.

I have left everything for it. I have lost all the great opportunities, the companies that I wanted to be in. I have left everything. It makes me feel sad that great opportunities that flow before me, but I am not allowed to apply. This is not fair.
Life is not always fair. I cant apply to these companies as I took the offer on the first day.

Oh God, just because I have been thinking of you all my years along, is this the gift that I get from you. I am really sad that I have lost all the opportunities.Please help me God. I know that you are testing me but I can't take this anymore. I can't take this anymore. You were the one who showed me an opportunity to get into this great school. It is all futile!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Sri Raja Rajeshwari

Yesterday had a dream in which Sri Raja Rajeshwari appeared to me.
I have neither worshipped this lordess before nor did I know much about her.
The dream goes this way.

My mother, sister and I go to this house of a old age couple for a kind of healing.
The old man had his fingers cut and he placed his hand on my hand.
On placing his hand on my hand, his entire hand impression was made on my hand.
The old man withdrew his hand but his hand impression was there on my hand.
Now I focussed the old man's hand on my hand and automatically the fingers that were cut grew in a moment.
I was amazed by this growing fingers and showed it to my mother who was sitting next to me.

Later, I started walking through the old couple's house. When I started walking, colours of winds passed from my hands into the
house of this couple as if to cleanse the entire house. The colours were great and evenly spread the entire house in a rhythmic fashion.
Later, the force made me sit at the 'prayer' room of this couple, where Sri Raja Rajeshwari began to talk to me.
The image inititally was only the cavity of mouth, round with the red skin and the teeth talking to me.
After sometime, however she came down and sat in front of me.
I prayed to her and asked her to bless me so that she will appear whenever I call her.
The lordess smiled as if it was a sensation of surity and the energy of the lordess began to withdraw into the idol in front.
I intuitively knew that it was "Sri Raja Rajeshwari".

After the Goddess went away, I was so happy in the dream that I proclaimed I have achieved the essence of human life, immortality
There is no more fear of anything now. There is no more fear of anything now.

The dream completed and I woke up in the morning and recollected the dream back so that I wont forget.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

My experiences and Buddhism !

Just read yesterday a book - "The Bliss of Inner Fire: Heart Practice of the Six Yogas of Naropa" and the author clearly explains my state.

I."Success in inner fire meditation causes all the winds to first enter the central channel, then stabilize. What is the sign that the airs have become stable ? Breathing becomes subtle and subtle, the movement of breath through the nostrils stops completely and the abdomen stops to move"

II. "Absorption of the air energies in the central channel is the next phase. With the stabilization of winds in the channel our concentration and bliss would increase. The energies then begin to absorb and we experience the stages of dissolution that happen naturally at the time of death."

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Dreams & Kundalini !

In many of the posts I had read about Kundalini, dreams were given a greater place and many of them were able to relate their dreams to Kundalini. I thought this was a more of extrapolation or interpretation and the tendency of human mind to explain everything logically. Hence, I didnt relate the dreams of snakes etc much.

However, I am having increased dreams with snakes in it. Yesterday, I had the pitch black snake with many hooded stand up and hiss. I could actually see the many hooded snake though there was no fear. I previously thought that it was more of what we thought that would reappear in dreams. But I have never had dreams with snake before and off late they are increasing.

Hence, dreams should have some logic in them ?

Friday, January 22, 2010

The nature of Bliss

What is the nature of Bliss that Kundalini brings in ?
What is it that maketh this energy addictive more than any drug or alcohol?

Firstly, the bliss brought about by this energy is continuos. The level of bliss might be reduced at times but it comes up automatically. An increase in Prana automatically brings up increased Prana in the head and this inturn acts on the brain to give bliss. Thus the bliss is continuos and one can be easily lost in this bliss as it is addictive similar to any other trance inducing substances.

Secondly, there is no loss of consciousness due to the bliss. Yes, it induces you into a trance like state, but you can still manage to force yourself and manage. However, the thinking is definitely much hampered because of the thinking and it is not active as without Kundalini.

Thirdly, the bliss brings in a sense of love and compassion. For example, today I had been out with my friends to McDonalds. We had our Burger and were walking out and lo the Prana increased (because of the food?) and it acted on the brain in such a way that I felt that we are all wasting our life. A feeling of love encompasses such that you dont want to talk anymore and want to remain in silence. You feel that whatever is happening is not real and feel a 10 fold increase in devotion and I start chanting Lord's name because of the bliss.

Fourthly, when this happens I start observing the Prana and its rotations in the head and this over sometime brings in Kundalini from the base as my breathe slows down.

The bliss brought out is the purest. You feel mad that you want to have your loved one but you can't have it.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Price of Kundalini

I was really worried about my job and the materialistic loss I had because of Kundalini. However, when I put this question to Chrism, he asked me one simple question - "How much money can you give and purchase Kundalini?". "How do I value Kundalini ?"

It is so stupid of me that I told Kundalini is not bliss and I wanted to correct that statement and hence I put this post again. Yes, Kundalini takes away all your materialistic pleasures. Yes, I might not concentrate at times. I might not have the best of the facilities that I could have without Kundalini. But Kundalini is dearest to me. The bliss that it gives is something that I do not want to lose regardless of anything else in the world. It is a question of choice between Kundalini and everything else. I have chosen Kundalini and I will in the future. I can't have both and I am ready to leave everything in this world to have this wonderful process running in me and take care of me and put me in bliss. I will never crib again and I will surrender.
I will leave everything in this world for Kundalini.
I will leave everything in this world for Kundalini.
I will leave everything in this world for Kundalini.

A job in hand !

I came into this b-school with much expectations. An investment banking job, dashing cars and a posh life. However, I have finally accepted an offer which is the first company on the campus without much thinking. This was the easiest job in the campus for my profile and many of my friends knew I deserved more and I had few giggles at my selection. But the effect of Kundalini has made me forget those investment banking jobs.Infact, right from the day I have been in the Kundalini process, I couldn't concentrate much on any of the finance subjects. During the selection process also, I thought about my inability in activating my left brain at times and hence chose a consulting company instead of i-banking job. It sounds foolish but Kundalini has not left me any choice.

Kundalini can block activities in the right or left brain. During peak activity, the entire brain is lit up by prana and you are left in a state of trance, wherein I cant think much. I don't know if it is a blessing or curse. My brain is changing and it is. It is difficult to explain this in verbal to anyone but it is. However, while I am in the campus, I act as though everything is normal and I am normal.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Prana & the full moon

I do not know if I am able to sense Prana or kundalini in the head. The confusion arises because of the two situations.

a. There are Pranic sensations in the head and they get violent and make the breathe stop, pulling the Kundalini from the base of the spine. However,this energy does make it way through the spine to the brain. Hence, the energy at the head should be both Prana and Kundalini.

b. Still the difference between Kundalini and Prana is not known. Have read it somewhere that Kundalini is the inner essence of Prana.

Whatever it is, this process or energy gets violent during the full moon. The energy gets so mad that it works at a very fast pace. It is like too much energy trying to do something by rotating and movements at a very fast pace. The effect of Full moon on the oceans is well known. So is the effect of moon on prana. We are definitely affected by the planets. Astrology has to be believed definitely.

Friday, January 1, 2010

The Process in me

When I get up in the morning, the prana in my head is very less.
However, as the day peaks up the prana increases in my head - either because of the food I eat or because of the absorption of atmospheric prana.

With the increase in prana in the head, the breathing automatically comes down and facilitates Kevala kumbhaka.This facilitation of Kevala Kumbhaka brings in Kundalini from the base of the spine into the head.This sets in a cyclic process of reducing breath and at the same time bringing in more prana.

The Kundalini at the brain in the form of prana, not only helps get more prana by the pressure exerted but also helps in working at the different parts of the brain. This results in bliss